There are so many things we want to write to all of you, our dear friends. So many times over the past months I have composed blog postings in my head. But have never found the energy to actually put fingers to the keyboard. There is so much of Harry's story, of our story, that I feel I need to get down, into actual record. One just has to start.
So here we go.
We have had a good fall. The days passed. Many in tears. But many in laughter too. Milestones (1 month since Harry died, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Lydia's birthday, New Years ...) loomed, were feared, endured, breathed a sigh of sadness and bittersweet relief when they had passed.
Henry is back at work. I have started my postdoctoral fellowship at U of M. Lydia is thriving in Kindergarten. Not a day goes by that we don't think of our sweet Prince Harry. If I am not actively engaged in thinking of something else, my default mode of existence is to think about him. I wonder if that will ever change?
Grief is an odd thing. It can be so huge, all-consuming. It is something living and breathing on its own, or so it seems. It shrinks and expands all the time. Sometimes it threatens to overwhelm us. Sometimes it is small, manageable, fits comfortably in my pocket.
It is always there, somewhere, hanging around. But I can say with much certainty. I would rather have this grief, than to never have had Harry at all. If fate should offer, "Here, I will take away your grief, but in return, I take away all memory of Harry". I would turn away, reject the offer outright.
The old saying IS true. "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."
I need to get back to work. But I wanted to at least start, today. So that tomorrow, I've started up the hill of writing down our story with Harry.
We know with certainty that love never dies. Harry no longer wears "his little overcoat of a body" as my teacher Kimberly says. But he is near, always, just around the corner. Maybe you have felt him too?
Love and light,
Cynthia
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4 comments:
I have...
Thank you for starting the new chapter of Harry's journey.
Jodi
Cynthia,
It is so, so good to hear your voice. I got your letter in the mail today and devoured it. Had some reading to do on the computer and just checked the blog. I pull it up every once in a while, just to see. It was great to find something new!! I think about you guys a lot and always wonder how you are doing (really doing). I think about Harry too, remembering those eyes! After his memorial, I always had that song in my head: "Round and round we go...". It seemed to stick with me. I like to think it was a reminder of him, and maybe to remember all of the things he taught us.
Well, I just wanted to say hi and it's great that you're writing. I am looking forward to any more that you want to write.
Love you and thinking of you,
marla
Thanks so much for the update. We check the blog regularly and you are never far from our thoughts. We look forward to continuing the journey with you.
Krista and Carl
I have too, even though I have never met him...
Your blog address is on my browser's pull-down menu, which means I check it often (almost every day). I was wondering if you would continue to post here after such a long silence. I even thought of sending you an e-mail to see how you and the family are doing.
It is so good to hear from you, and to be given a chance to contunue on Harry's journey with you.
Hug,
Dragana
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