It suddenly hit me this morning, a different take on the story I need to tell myself about Sebastien and his future.
While pregnant with Sebastien, I worried: How much will he look like Harry? How much will he behave like Harry? Will he have Harry's laugh? Will he have Harry's gentle disposition? Will he have Harry's joy for life and living? And of course the biggy, the one I am so scared to even think, will his life *be* just like Harry's? Will he develop cancer and die too?
Every time the last thought even came up, I would cancel it, purge it, send it away and immediately replace it with another, positive thought for Sebastien's future.
And then my perfect, beautiful, delightful Sebastien was born. And he did look a bit like Harry. But he looks a heck of a lot more like his big sister Lydia. Funny that, the whole time I was pregnant I never, ever considered the possibility that he might look more like Lydia than Harry!
As he has grown and developed and changed over the past almost six months, we have gotten to know his delightful personality. Yes, he does behave a lot like Harry. He is as, if not more, laid back and easy going as his big brother. Like Harry, he rarely, rarely cries. He is content to hang out with us and play with toys, cuddle, bounce, swing. He does have Harry's joy for living, or so it seems. His laugh does sound a lot like Harry's. But he is healthy, and he is going to stay that way.
He is also a lot like his big sister Lydia. He has *her* joyful disposition. *Her* great laugh (it just sounds different coming out of a girl's mouth). *Her* joy for life and living.
While I know no two siblings have the same life, and so it is illogical to think that Sebastien will have the same life as Harry, it is hard not to worry. Especially as we enter the second six months of Sebastien's first year, since it was sometime in this time period that Harry started getting sick.
But I realized this morning that if Sebastien is going to have a similar life to a sibling, then there is no logical reason why he won't have a similar life to that of his big sister, Lydia.
I have kept "Baby's First Year" calendars for each child. I refer back to Lydia's and Harry's to see how Sebastien is progressing relative to each of them.
It just hit me this morning, that while his personality may be more like Harry's than Lydia's, his development is more like Lydia's. His sleep patterns, especially, have been very similar to Lydia's. Though he has been easier to soothe and slept better as a newborn, from 2-4 months he went through the same night waking pattern as Lydia and the same day sleep pattern - 3 or 4 45 minute naps a day, settling into 2 longer naps by about 4 months old.
And just like Lydia did at about 5.5 months, Sebastien slept through the night for 12 hours straight without nursing last night. All I did differently was put him to bed 30 minutes earlier, by 7:00 p.m., and had Henry calm him down after nursing, instead of me. He peeped at 1:00 am and made 2 squeeks at 3:00 am (when I checked on him to make sure he was still breathing). But he slept and didn't call for me till 7:00 am!
And that is what hit me this morning, Sebastien is a lot like Lydia! My beautiful, energetic, delightful, full-of-life-laughter-and-love, outgoing, and joyful Lydia! He looks like Lydia, he sleeps like Lydia, AND he is healthy like Lydia. Lydia my healthy as a horse, never gets sick, had her first ear-infection / antibiotics at age six first born!
THIS is the story I have to tell myself about Sebastiens' future - if I feel the need to tell a story of him being like either of his siblings at all - he is a lot like is healthy big sister!
This may seem really obvious to others, but it is strangely liberating for me. I really never thought before this morning just how much Sebastien is like Lydia. And as I watched her set off with her new "Maplelea" backpack, in her 'super skinny' jeans and stripped top for her first day of Grade 2, already looking so grown up. I realized what a joyful, happy image I have for Sebastien's future. He is going to be joyful, happy, and healthy just like his big sister!
Happy first day back to school!
Love,
Cynthia
Sebastien at 5 months old - 25 August 2010
Lydia's First Day of Grade 2 - 6 3/4 years old 8 September 2010
Lydia & Sebastien 8 September 2010 - Lydia's First Day of Grade 2
